When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

It's probably because I said something stupid

Despite being written up in the Irish Times earlier this year because they didn’t like this satiric humor piece I wrote for The New Yorker, my husband Chris and I recently traveled to Ireland for a week’s vacation. It was our first time there, so we tried to see as much of the country as possible. Unfortunately, I missed a lot of the scenery because we were in a rental car that Chris nervously drove on the left side of the road while I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned to the right. He got better at it, but the drive to Killarney on a small, two-lane country road at night while stuck behind a giant potato truck definitely took a few years off my life.

(Yes, I know a potato truck is an Irish cliche but it’s true. We were seconds away from being taken out by a few rogue spuds.)

The wristband Enterprise Rentals in Dublins gives you

We booked our Dublin, Killarney and Cork “Taste of Ireland” trip via Costco Travel. We’ve had great success with them in the past on our trips to Italy and London. Their vacation packages usually include private transfer from and to the airport, which is something our driver at Heathrow last May took very seriously

“You can take the sign off now. Not everyone needs to know where I shop.”

“No, I must keep it on while we walk past 20,000 people, madame!”

What I like best about Costco Travel is the hotel selection. You have a choice of around 10 hotels per city when you book, and they’re not your typical Hiltons and Hyatts. They’re usually four or five star properties and a great deal more fancy than what we usually book for ourselves, while still being a reasonable price.

For example, our Costco Travel trip in 2022 to Rome, Florence and Venice was seven nights at really nice hotels, and included free breakfast every morning and in-room amenities like Prosecco and fruit trays. We also had airport pick up and first class train tickets between the cities. The total cost? $1,800. (Airfare not included.) Plus we also got the thrill of Italian hotel desk clerks hearing our last name when we checked in, then exclaiming, “Ohhh! You are with Cost-a-co!”

In Europe, nobody knows that in America, Costco doesn’t mean high rollers. It means $1.99 hot dog + drink.

Also, that’s how the accent sounded. Don’t @ me.

After enjoying Dublin and Killarney, we journeyed by car to an area outside of Cork to stay at the spectacular Castlemartyr Resort. Driving through the brilliant green grounds surrounding the property, we knew we were a bit out of our league. I mean, we’re not complete rubes, but we’ve also stayed in motels that give you a free mini-Speedstick when you check in because most of their regular clientele are truckers. The last hotel we stayed in had a photo of Papa John’s pizza on the room keycard.

But as we walked past the gorgeous art, the horses, the luxury cars, and the actual FREAKING CASTLE on the property that the Knights Templar built in 1210, we told each other to just be cool and act like we’ve been there before.

“We need to seem sophisticated,” I whispered to Chris.

“Then take off your Oregon Duck mittens,” he whispered back.

Nearing the lobby, we noticed a framed note on a table announcing that the wedding of Freya and Declan was happening, so guests should please be aware. Fine. I like weddings. Then, as we got closer to the front desk, we saw a beautifully illustrated 20 x 30” sign on an easel. The sign had a dog on one side with the name FREYA, a plus sign in the middle, and a dog on the other side with the name DECLAN. Under that were about 20 other dogs with names. So, after we walked up to the front desk, sipped the glasses of complimentary champagne we were handed, and smiled at the lovely woman behind the counter, I asked one obvious question:

“Is the dog wedding open to the public?”

She stared at me in confusion and said, “What dog wedding?” and then I realized in horror that Freya and Declan weren’t actually dogs getting married, but Irish humans getting married. Humans that like their dogs so much they put them on a sign with the other dogs of the wedding party. “Oh, uh, nevermind,” I mumbled while Chris shuffled over to the window to intensely stare at a tassel, “I’m, uh, from a place where it’s not weird to have a dog wedding hahaha! Not my dog, he’s single, but he’s available hahaha! What, uh, time is breakfast?”

My dog wedding question then immediately made the rounds of the front desk personnel to loads of giggles. Maybe I’ve now redeemed myself in the Irish humor world, who knows. The whole thing was embarrassing, yes, but I then found a nice armchair and a bartender just a few steps away and that’s where we spent the evening. Luck of the Irish, indeed.

It’s no free mini-Speedstick, but I’ll take it

If you’re interested in hearing more about Ireland, let me know in the comments and I’ll give you more details!

Thanks for reading and enjoy the holidays!

Wendi