My Friend, the Expert

I love being surprised by my friends and family. I don’t mean in a party type of way, like everyone jumping out from behind a couch and screaming “Happy Birthday!” while I recoil in horror. Or in an “Oh shit, guess what happened to your car in the Target parking lot?!” type of way. What I mean is I love it when I unexpectedly learn and appreciate something new about someone I’ve known for years.

Specifically, when I see how good they are at their job.

I recently experienced this with my husband, who I’ve known for years. He and I went to a professional meeting to discuss a project we’re working on, and before it started, he told me what he saw as the scope of the work and then his really brilliant take on how to do it. Rather than nod or take notes like his regular colleagues would do, I instead smiled big and said, “Wow! Look at you go!” and then we both started giggling because I’d just acted like he was a toddler that fed himself string cheese for the first time.

Of course I know how accomplished he is in his career, and I assume he knows what he’s doing because he keeps getting jobs and a salary, but I’m not often privy to moments like that when I see how he does his job. When I get to see him in action. I guess most marriages are like that unless you’re a member of ABBA or Fleetwood Mac, and even then it’s not like Agnetha told Björn everything about the vocal stylings she was planning for “Voulez-Vous.”

“Yah, I think Voulez-Vous means stop bothering me, Bjorn.”

I was also pleasantly surprised when I saw first-hand that my friend Amanda is a really sharp lawyer. I know that her job is law, as Ken would say in the Barbie movie, but that part of her life is an abstract concept to me. Like I know she does things with cases and briefs and torts and other things I’ve seen on LA Law, but she’s never had a Take Your Wendi to Work Day so it’s all kind of a mystery. I know she owns a lot of blazers.

Then she and I drove to Waco (dial back your jealousy) for a bookstore and school author appearance of mine, and while we were in the car I listened to her talk to a potential client and outline what she could do to help him. I was in awe of her crackerjack smarts and how confident and professional she was on that call. That may sound odd, but keep in mind that she also had a sourdough starter in her purse at the time because we were spending the night and she needed to “feed it” before making me go to Chip and Joanna Gaines’ Fixer Upper store to shop for throw pillows. (The sourdough starter left a line of white powder on the hotel nightstand, which is proof that you partied hard in Waco.)

Here’s your suspect, Waco PD

Of course I’m sure my friends and family experience this surprise with me to some extent, like when they see me speak or talk about my books and I don’t run off the stage yelling, “I am not an animal!”, but it’s a little different because my career is much more public. You can easily read something I’ve written, but I can’t easily hang out in a meeting with a friend that does Supply Chain Management. (Nor would I want to. Sorry, Rick.)

That said, a couple of years ago I watched another friend of mine perform in a professional capacity and it blew my mind. I’ve known this person for many years and have seen her do quite a few things on stage, but then I watched her play bass with her band at a sold out show in Southern California and was was beside myself with glee. I even whacked the arm of the guy next to me and gushed, “Oh my god, Kathy is so good!”

“Uh, yeah,” he replied, looking at me like I was just unfrozen from a cave wall. “She is a Go-Go.” That whole Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing should have clued me in. (Read Kathy Valentine’s wonderful Substack here.)

But while I like to be surprised by how great my friends and family are at their jobs, it’s also not a shock that they’ve mastered their professions because they’re all over 40 years old. They’re experts at what they do because they’ve worked at it for years and years. That skill, proficiency, and knowledge is truly one of the best parts about getting older. In midlife, you can now handle almost everything with great facility and ease. No more rushing, or panicking, or crying in the office bathroom because Bill in Accounting needs his reports back ASAP.

In the buddy cop movie of life, we’re now the grizzled Al Pacino telling newbie Timothée Chalamet, “Calm down, kid. I already know who the perp is, I just need to take a nap and maybe drop a gummy before we go collar him, okay?” We’re at the top of our game. We got this shit on lockdown.

Wow! Look at you go!

(I just texted Amanda to ask if that sourdough starter had a name because some of them do, and her answer was, “No, because it was a codependent bitch and required too much of my time, so I killed her. RIP.”)

Thanks for reading!

—Wendi

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IN OTHER NEWS:

I wrote about the power of humor for Chip Conley’s Modern Elder Academy.

We cover Demi Moore’s really, really good memoir on It’s Pronounced Memwah.