Limiting the Limited Series

#StopTheStream

Here’s what happened after I watched the final episode of THE GIRLFRIEND on Amazon Prime:

1. I muttered, “What the hell was that.”

2. I decided that I will no longer recommend shows after only seeing the first episode because the sixth episode of THE GIRLFRIEND was seemingly written by drunk people wildly misusing AI.

3. I had to apologize to the four friends I recommended THE GIRLFRIEND to — friends that later texted me things like, “WTF?!” “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you” and “Know any other pieces of streaming shit I should watch?”

4. I sat and quietly thought about how I wasted six hours of my one wild and precious life watching Robin Wright kiss her fictional adult son on the mouth.

   

   Put a shirt on, himbo. That’s your mother.

5. I realized that I could have watched THE GODFATHER and THE GODFATHER II in that same amount of time. (And yes I know Michael Corleone kisses Fredo on the mouth, too, but it’s more so the kiss of death and not the kiss of a possible incestual pool party.)

6. I realized that I also could have watched eight 90 minute movies in those six hours. EIGHT. Bergman’s The Seventh Seal is only 96 minutes, FFS, and it doesn’t have dialogue like, “Aw my two favorite ladies! Where’s the prosecco?”

7. My math is maybe not correct on #6.

But the fact is that all limited streaming series are not created equal, so for every amazing SLOW HORSES, you get something where Nicole Kidman’s wearing a crap wig and hypnotizing people in a yurt. And of course I know it’s subjective, and there are probably people out there that loved THE GIRLFRIEND, but I’m disappointed with myself every time I give into sloth and ease and just stick with an entire subpar series instead of turning it off.

What hath Netflix wrought.

I talked about most of the above with my 24-year-old son Sam who told me to watch movies instead. He’s a big cinephile, and particularly loves older movies. His already vast knowledge about them even led to one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to him: about two years ago, I took him to an Austin friend’s house for a party and he fell into conversation with a woman visiting from Los Angeles. They started talking about film, and she asked him who his favorite actors and directors are. He said, “I really love Gena Rowlands and John Cassavetes,” and the woman paused, then said, “So do I because Gena is my mom and Nick is my dad.” Wow wow wow. (This was the lovely Zoe Cassavetes.)

That story leads me to mention something that just happened two days ago when I was at our grocery store. I saw a woman in her 20’s walk by, and she was wearing a black and red shaker-style sweater that I immediately recognized as identical to a The Limited sweater that I owned in the late 90’s and later donated. I didn’t try to sniff it for Rolling Rock and Dippity Do to see if it was mine, but I did nicely ask her if she bought the sweater at a vintage shop because apparently that is where the clothes of my youth are now found. Her answer was even better than I expected:

“No,” she said, “I got this last weekend at Shelley Duvall’s estate sale.”

Then she showed me the tag and it was from The Limited just as I thought! Did Shelley buy my sweater?! She lived not too far from me, so maybe?

Not my sweater.

It does seems likely that she would have bought it from a thrift store, but we’ll never know. The thought of Shelley Duvall whipping out her credit card at the local mall’s The Limited store also makes me happy to think about. “Heeeeeeere’s AMEX!”

But my disappointment in recent streaming shows + Shelley + Sam reminding me that we pay for a subscription to The Criterion Channel already has given me my fall viewing plan. I’m going to avoid the latest limited series and instead enjoy Shelley’s body of work that includes classics like Nashville, 3 Women, and Brewster McCloud.

After that, maybe I’ll switch over to see what Nicole Kidman’s latest wig looks like. I bet it’s a good one.

Thanks for reading!

—Wendi

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OTHER THINGS:

• I’m excited to be in the latest issue of The New Yorker with this piece inspired by no more childhood vaccine requirements in Florida. See you at Mickey’s Chickenpox Party!

• What are you doing on October 8th? Join me for a humorous essay writing class with St. Nell’s Humor Writing Residency for Ladies! Open to all. (Unless you like writing funny essays that aren’t funny. We’ve all been there.) Sign up here.

• I am fascinated by nostalgia, and had the opportunity to write about my friends at Pop Culture Preservation Society for the Stanford Center on Longevity’s magazine. Read to see what “being Manilowed” is and why we should all do it. (And listen to their podcast!)