Here Comes the Grudge

Hear ye, hear ye

Earlier this year, I met up with my friend Jennifer to carpool to a book event. We had a great time, but later, when she was dropping me off at my car that was parked in the strip mall parking lot near my house, she said, “I’m sorry, but I’m a bit carsick so I’m going to throw up as soon as you leave.”

“Oh, no!” I gasped. “I hope you feel better soon! But um, before you let loose, would you mind driving over to the parking space in front of the dentist’s office and puking there? I can’t stand that guy.”

The middle-age grudge. It’s what’s keeping me alive.

I don’t think anyone makes it to my age without curating a mental list of every business and person that did us wrong. Of course, I’m not talking about wrongdoings in a class action lawsuit/Erin Brockovich kind of way. There’s no Superfund site behind that dentist’s office. At least I don’t think so. And I’m not talking about the famous literary or celebrity type of grudge, either. That glamorous Joan Crawford vs. Bette Davis shit. No, what I mean is petty grudges. The ones that are a little stupid, but no less real. The ones that when you tell people why you don’t frequent a certain restaurant anymore, they say, “Oh, my god, seriously, Wendi? Because they misspelled ‘nachos’ on the menu? Don’t you think that’s a bit ridiculous?”

Not as ridiculous as f-ing “nachoes.”

If you Google “grudge”, images like this one and worse come up because there’s a 2020 horror movie called The Grudge. I’ve never seen it, but based on the photo, I assume it’s about a middle-aged woman that finally snaps when her friend Tristina won’t STFU about her kid getting into Harvard on a full ride.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH COMMUNITY COLLEGE, TRISTINA!

I’m not the only person walking around with a list of future scathing Yelp reviews in my brain. My husband can rant for literally hours about a certain dentist (a different one) in South Austin that told him he needs $35,000 in gum surgery. He checked with another dentist. Then another. He does not need $35,000 in gum surgery. Mostly because he hasn’t been rubbing meth and battery acid on his teeth for the past two decades. How do they get to the $35,000 amount anyway? Do they graft loose diamonds onto his gums? Apple stock certificates?

I’m happy to say that I’ve held both international and national grudges, but lately my grudges tend to be near my neighborhood because I like to support local business. Here are a few of them:

• The nail tech at the mani/pedi spa that hated my heels so much she basically did an insult comedy routine about me in Vietnamese. When I checked out, feeling like some poor bastard at the end of a Dean Martin Roast, her granddaughter said, “Sorry about what she said. I guess we won’t be seeing you again.” She was right.

• The woman at Central Market grocery store who gave my 5-month-old son a balloon, then pointed at my stomach and said, “And I see you have another one on the way!” I did not. This was in 2003. I still scowl whenever I walk past the scene of the crime.

• Our USPS mail carrier who doesn’t seem to realize that his job is carrying mail so we go days without getting any despite them sending a morning email showing us what’s being delivered. I really thought he’d be better than his predecessor who was fired for getting a DUI in his mail truck and smashing into someone’s mailbox, but so far he’s not. I don’t have a lot going on, man. I need those Land’s End catalogs.

And of course, about 10,000 online grudges that are mostly due to comments from people that have read something of mine. There’s a woman in Fort Worth who thought my article about HOAs and watering your lawn in Texas Monthly was “super bad writing.” That probably would have stung more if she wasn’t an amateur swimsuit model/influencer who uses more emojis than letters in her captions. #bikinigirl

My friend and podcast co-host Mariana is a huge fan of grudges. So much so that when I texted her and asked, “What’s one of your petty grudges?” her immediate reply was, “PETTY? How dare you.” Then I had to promise to include a a link to one of our latest episodes as a mea culpa.

We love Penny!

But maybe holding all of these petty grudges isn’t healthy. Maybe I could use that mental space for something more positive. After all, I’ve never even been to the dentist where Jennifer puked. I just happened to walk past his office one day and saw that he was holding a gun raffle. Not a gum raffle, which would have made sense for people like my husband who apparently need a new set, but guns. Uh-huh. I think someone’s gettin’ high off his own nitrous supply and now he thinks he’s Scarface DDS.

Still, I recently saw the quote, “Life is too short for long-term grudges,” and it made me wonder if I should just let them all go. I sat and reflected on it for a moment. I thought about making some tea. I watched a bird. Then I saw that the quote was attributed to Elon Musk, so guess what, I WON’T BE TAKING THAT ADVICE. And thus unto us a new grudge was born.

At least it’s keeping me alive.

Thanks for reading!

—Wendi

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More Things:

• I wrote about scorpions for Texas Monthly!

• My other podcast co-host Ann Imig is a BRILLIANT life coach who has taught me a lot about positive psychology. I did a session with her this week and she gave me insight into how one of your strengths (hyper-vigilance, in my case) can also be a saboteur (overly worrying) and how to manage it. She’s especially skilled in helping people become unstuck, whether it’s in writing, their bad patterns, their career, or just life. AND she’s offering any of my readers a free 30-minute session, so don’t miss this opportunity!