Fishing for Gift Ideas

Disclaimer: I know everything is horrible right now, and I’m not ignoring it by writing something funny because if there was ever a time for some comic relief, it’s now. Check out my friend Nancy Davis Kho’s latest post for some great ways to help.

When I was growing up, you had to be careful to say you really liked something in my family or you’d soon be deluged with everything in the world that pertained to that something. Like when I was in high school and expressed a love for the movie Rebel Without a Cause, and then every birthday and Christmas that followed for the next 20 years included something with James Dean’s face on it. Of course there are worse problems to have. I could have said I loved The A-Team and then brought Mr. T sheets with me to college instead of this awesome poster.

It was either this or Monet’s waterlilies.

But I understand the urge to embrace a theme from a gift buying position. When you can’t figure out what to get someone, it’s easy to think, “She once said she likes unicorns! Let’s get her a unicorn hat! It doesn’t matter that she’s 43 and a nuclear scientist!” I definitely fell into this trap when my boys were small. Sam especially was a phase kid, starting with fighter jets, then dinosaurs, then animals. Now he’s 24 and a music executive in Nashville so I can’t rely on themes anymore. He probably doesn’t want a velociraptor sweatshirt or a Pokemon board game. Or maybe he does. I don’t really understand Gen Z.

Lately I’ve found myself almost falling into the theme gift trap because my husband Chris has recently chosen his Middle Age Man Hobby™. These hobbies include but are not limited to: motorcycles, woodworking, golf, pickleball, strippers, cycling, and car restoration. He’s already dabbled in one of those - cycling - and has the “I Love Bikes” swag to prove it. I wouldn’t know what to get him if he’d chosen strippers. Antibiotics?

But over Thanksgiving, I signed us up for a 6-hour fishing boat tour in South Padre, Texas. We were the only people on the boat not dressed in Patriot Clothing or chain smoking, so it didn’t start off well. Captain Harley yelled at us to “Dispose of all bananas!” for superstitious reasons. Luckily, we didn’t have any with us. Who carries bananas? But soon after we set off, Chris caught a fish, and another fish, and suddenly a Middle Age Man Hobby™ was born.

Chris is on the left.

He took to fishing like a fish takes to water — that it’s then yanked out of because it stupidly bit on a hook loaded with shrimp. Chris’s embrace of a new hobby was helped by the fact that he was the only one on the boat that actually caught a fish that day. So when asked what his secret was by jealous fishers, my husband who then had six hours of fishing under his belt in his entire life said, without hesitation, “Women want me, fish fear me.”

“Did you read that on a t-shirt at Walmart once?” I asked, wondering if it was too late to sign him up for an Intro to Pickleball class.

“Maybe. I did read it on a t-shirt. But it’s true.”

His fishing hobby then continued in Cabo San Lucas, where we spent Christmas and went on a charter fishing trip. This time he landed a Wahoo that is currently, in his retellings, “about 20 feet long.” By summer, it’ll be 40 feet long. By next Christmas, he will be telling everyone that he once caught Moby Dick.

And then the fishing guide whacked it to death with a mallet.

All of this is good news, of course. I like that he found something he enjoys, and it’s fun for me to hang out on a boat and try to not touch anything slimy for a few hours. Plus Dramamine is like low-stakes Xanax. And all of this fishing did give us a theme to work with for his recent birthday. There are many, many fish-related items online. Some of them are even x-rated! Dear god!

I was tempted, but didn’t buy it.

Luckily, I found a website called Guidesly.com that has gift cards for fishing trips around the country, so that’s what the boys and I gave him. We’ll see how lucky he gets on his next expedition. Maybe this time I’ll even catch a fish, and then everyone will know what to get me for my next birthday besides a James Dean Snuggie.

Thanks for reading!

—Wendi

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OTHER THINGS:

Fan of James Dean, too? Marfa, TX has a lot of cool stuff from when “Giant” was filmed there.

I love the giant murals of James Dean and Elizabeth Taylor outside of Marfa.

I wrote this McSweeney's piece after a few friends told me they had to get their elderly parents down from ladders.

If you’re okay to read about a sex cult, this non-fiction look at OneTaste is really good.