Recently I was in London with my youngest son Jack to drop off my older son Sam who attends a UK university. We had a great visit, and on our last day the three of us took the tube to the historic, lively Portobello Road market to do some shopping. You can buy pretty much anything there, and we had fun browsing the various wares and food on offer. One of my favorite mystery novels is even set on Portobello Road, but I didn’t see a single bit of malfeasance during our excursion. That’s a real shame because I’m a dead ringer for Angela Landsbury and could easily solve any murdered butler crimes if given the right sweater vest.
Near the end of the day, we walked into a brightly painted shop that was packed with shelves and racks of flamboyant original designs. Well-preserved vintage and modern glam items like glitter tops, pink pleather bell bottoms, and t-shirts sporting sequined peacock feathers on the arms and back. Some so wild that even Sir Elton John would probably shrug and say, “That’s wee bit over the top, mate.”
Right before we left the store, I came to a sudden stop when my eye landed on a plain Cheerio in a bowl of Froot Loops. There, amid the vibrant, flashy colors and wild bling, was this:
I grew up in North Dakota. My parents grew up in North Dakota. My great-grandparents left Norway for North Dakota. (Why they didn’t pick Santa Barbara is a mystery for the ages but hey, it’s super fun to ice skate and not have a tan.) I don’t know if they even sell North Dakota shirts IN North Dakota, so I was thrilled to see our quiet state finally represented. I grabbed a shirt my size and ran over to the cashier, a young lass with one pink eyebrow and one black eyebrow. Her hair was also dyed pink and black but it wasn’t coordinated with the eyebrows, so it was kind of like doing business with a sassy human checkerboard.
“I’m buying this because I grew up in North Dakota!” I said.
“Whut is Nawth Dakotah lahk?” she answered in her British accent that I should probably stop trying to type for quite a few reasons.
“Uh, it’s fine?”
“What’s it known for?” her coworker, a young man who looked like the lovechild of The Cure and Harry Potter, Chamber of Secrets, asked as he squeaked up in his leather pants and platform shoes. “Are there any famous people from North Dakota?”
“Uh, not really? I’d say I’m probably in the top fifty and I’m not even verified on Instagram.”
“Okay, but what kind of food is it known for?” Checkerboard tried, no doubt thinking of New York’s cheesecake and pizza, and California’s tacos.
“Uh, corn? They grow a lot of corn there.”
“Ohhhh,” they sighed, disappointed that the shirt they’d been straightening for months touted possibly the least glamorous state in the USA. I guess the equivalent would maybe be a Beverly Hills boutique selling an ISLE OF MAN t-shirt. “That’s a bit of a let down, innit?” Checkerboard finally said, then went back to folding a pair of men’s underwear bedazzled with metal studs.
I took my bag, said thank you, and left the store, feeling a bit guilty. How were they going to sell the North Dakota shirt to other customers now, knowing what they knew? “Yah, some odd bird came in here once and bought one a those shirts and then talked about corn, if you can even imagine, but why’nt ya let me show you our glitter tube tops in the back, luv.” I don’t know. Maybe I should have lied and said North Dakota’s the home state of Beyonce and cronuts, and hip hop was born on the mean streets of Fargo. A bit ridiculous yes, but on the other hand, everyone trusts Angela Landsbury.
Book release palooza! Some of you may have noticed that my book I’M WEARING TUNICS NOW had the pub date pushed back again. Yes, it’s now coming out on 11/15. A little close to the election for my taste, but maybe we’ll all need a good laugh? You can still pre-order it from your favorite book purchasing site, and I hope you do so it comes right to your door and you don’t have to leave your house.
Also, when you do read it, please consider leaving me a review. Right now I have two two-star reviews from 18-year-olds who have no business critiquing a book about midlife. Maybe they’ll regret what they said in about 20 years when their boobs have dropped.
But good news! If you’re in Austin, you can get and read the book sooner because I’ll be at BookPeople in conversation with my friend Kathy Valentine of The Go-Go’s on 10/22! RSVP at the link before it sells out. I have some fun stuff planned if the store agrees to let me do it after they “check the liability policy.”
Additionally, if you’d like me to visit your area bookshop or book group, drop me a note and we’ll get it worked out. I’m super available because I’m an empty nester now, and need the attention. But that’s okay, innit?
Thanks for reading!
—Wendi
It's AMAZING to me that you even type a British accent badly! I mean you are really really bad at British accents, in every format. I say this with love and real astonishment.
(Already preordered the book and can't wait to get my mitts on it)
I love it! North Dakota fashion at its finest.