Do you love January so much that you want it to last forever? Then Dry January might be right for you!
We’re currently on day 8,940 of January 2024 and I’m happy to say that I haven’t had any alcohol for 99% of the month. I honestly haven’t missed it, but I admittedly sometimes get a little twinge at 5 p.m. when I feel like there’s something I should be doing. “It’s time for Chardonnay and Instagram scrolling, dummy,” my brain whispers. “Doooo it.” Fortunately my brain can then be placated with a piece of vintage Halloween candy, so the temptation is averted.
Some of my friends are doing Damp January, where they still drink but not as much. I’m glad there’s a name for this so one of my friends can stop telling me she’s doing Dry January “except for when I had wine yesterday and then a few cocktails last week, and oh yeah, there was that beer I chugged this morning for some reason.”
“You do this every year,” I told her when we talked on the phone last week. “So stop trying to be a hero and just call it Damp January. Or maybe Wet January considering I just heard you pop a cork at 3:00 p.m. on a Tuesday.”
I admit that I drank two Palomas last weekend, but only because I was at my friend Kathy Valentine’s The Bluebonnets show at the Continental Club and it seemed like a good idea. The bartender asked what kind of tequila I preferred, and I’m not sophisticated enough to even know the difference, so I just said, “Definitely not the one with a worm in it, like Scott Glen eats in Urban Cowboy.”
Nothing says “I don’t belong at a rock show in downtown Austin” and/or “I probably shouldn’t be driving at night” more than referencing a 1980 movie shot at Gilley’s in Pasadena, Texas.
You really picked Bud over Wes Hightower, Sissy?
My most successful Dry January was in 2021 when I only had one drink all month. And that drink was on January 6th. I was teaching an online class for my local library called “Start the New Year with Humor” and saw my friend Meredith suddenly leave the Zoom room. She texted me a few minutes later and said, “Turn on the news once class is over.” So I did and saw a whole bunch of assholes that were not starting the new year with humor, but with zip ties, MAGA hats and vandalism. Yeah. Bottoms up.
Something that’s helping me not want to drink this month is Mad Men. Chris and I are watching it for the third time. At our age, it’s not a problem to rewatch a series because we don’t really remember what happens. “Oh my god, what do you think Don’s going to do now?” is often heard from me. “Do you think he’s not going to screw the new neighbor?” But the non-stop drinking on that show, like non-stop, is a huge turn off. “Do I want to get wasted on brown liquor, then drunk drive a John Deere tractor in the office and maim a colleague?” I ask myself. “Probably not. Where did I put the expired KitKats?”
What the hell, Peggy? Did you just forget you and Pete Campbell have a child?
Before the new year, we did attempt a Mad Men-esque Three Martini Lunch at a downtown restaurant. Not because we like martinis that much, but they were $5 and we do like bargains that much. After martini number one, I was feeling great. After martini number three, I was ready to stand on the table and present new creative for Lucky Strike. Maybe I should have. We could use a new account.
Whatever type of January you’re in — Dry, Wet, Damp, Leaky, Flooded Basement, Final Three Minutes of The Titanic — I hope it’s been a healthy, restorative, and good one.
Thanks for reading!
—Wendi
And if you’re a subscriber, here’s a little something extra that I wrote for my McSweeney’s airplane book that never took off.
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